With the daily stress of self-isolation and concerns of COVID-19 looming, it is more important than ever to find ways to manage. How do we develop the skills and tools to do so? One way is to examine our boundaries.
Boundaries are an important element of our relationships with ourselves and others that are often overlooked, particularly during crisis. Here are some ways to get back on track or establish new boundaries in your life.
Know thyself: If you do not know your own limits and deal-breakers for yourself and others, how will you know when that threshold has passed? Often when we feel burned out and exhausted, we have been over-extending ourselves and have not been aware that this was the case. For example, if you value time with your family, working long hours may cause you stress and frustration. When we are working at home, our boundaries tend to relax slightly and without structure in place (like a train to catch), you may find yourself working extended hours. Remember what is important to you.
Understand assertiveness: Being assertive is not the same as being “bossy” “controlling” or “aggressive.” Being able to communicate in a direct, but kind manner means you are not only helping yourself but others around you to develop a stronger understanding of what your needs are. Our needs are constantly shifting right now as we navigate unknown territory. If you need support from your partner, a friend or a boss, acknowledge it and address it.
Understand the “why”: If you are someone who has always struggled with boundaries, the first place you need to look is to your core beliefs. Core beliefs are those internal messages we think and feel about ourselves. If you suffer from low self-esteem, you may feel it is more important to please others than yourself. This will only lead to additional stress, and possibly more complicated mental health issues in the future. It may be beneficial to talk to someone such as a mental health professional to explore where your core beliefs came from. Once we heal our internal negative dialogue, it becomes easier to feel we are valid in communicating our needs.
Personal boundaries: Setting boundaries for ourselves is just as important as for others. Try to establish a balance between news coverage and self-care for example. Too much of anything can be unhealthy for us, and especially in a time of a pandemic, we need to establish a balance to manage any potential feelings of anxiety and depression. This includes our expectations for ourselves. Understand that right now, you may not be at your personal best, whether that is as an employee, parent, friend or partner. Potentially re-adjusting your expectations can greatly reduce the risk of crossing boundaries. It’s OK to not feel OK. We are all in this together.
Mary Charron, a social worker specializing in child, family and adolescent therapy in Newmarket, is the author of a monthly column for NewmarketToday. She can be reached at [email protected]
