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I had a conversation with a young man last fall that left me feeling very upset. He works at Tim Hortons and expressed sadness at having to ask the regulars to leave. When the vaccine passport came into effect, those without the printed document and photo id were no longer allowed to sit inside the restaurant. I am familiar with this location. Their daytime customers are poor and homeless people. It was windy and rainy those first two days.
When I later visited the restaurant and saw people sitting on the window ledge, I drew my own conclusions. I don’t know what barriers they face specifically but I have my suspicions that this is something that goes beyond just access to technology.
It pains me to see homeless people excluded because it hits close to home. I have experienced this level of destitution many, many years ago as a result of an abusive relationship. I worked at a homeless drop-in in downtown Toronto for a time after, and now I work at a school in a catchment area with a high poverty rate and a low vaccination rate. The targeted educational approach that we heard about on the radio, the outreach to marginalized communities didn’t happen in the suburbs. That was a Toronto thing.
I have a deep curiosity about the correlation between anti-vaxx sentiment and trauma. I believe there is a common thread among the people who stand in strongest opposition. Many of them are former abuse victims, people who have complex medical trauma, or members of populations with generational trauma. PTSD feels like a commonality.
For people who have escaped abuse and formed identities around “not being told what to do ever again,” giving in threatens their very being, their sense of self, their sense of truth. The vaccine is not a vaccine to them. It is a symbol of subjugation to the same forces that abused them before.
To an abuse victim, lockdowns feel the same as being socially isolated by an abuser. Masking feels the same as being told what to wear, being told to hide oneself, making oneself anonymous and small. Job loss and school closures feel the same as repeatedly being pulled out of work or school by an abuser; disruptive, unstable and disorienting.
Inflation feels the same as having one's finances sabotaged by an abuser. Contract tracing feels the same as having one's movements tracked by an abuser. Passports feel the same as having one's privacy disrespected by an abuser.
Constantly changing instructions and expectations feels familiar, moving goalposts feels familiar, being unsure of one’s footing feels familiar, confusion as a result of information overload feels familiar, being blamed for all this chaos just for existing the way you’ve always existed feels familiar. Finally, being told that the end justifies the means is what an abuser would say.
If you believe people's words as they pour out in comment threads, there are people who are so desperate for their reality, their understanding of life to be validated that they are willing to die for this. And on the other side, there are people so desperate for their reality to be validated that they are willing to kill for this. They believe it's self-defence though.
The anti-vaxxers shot first with their utter disregard for the health and safety of others. It is a scary time to be alive.
Ignorant and arrogant is a dangerous combination, the pro-vaxxers will say. Yes, the anti-vaxxers are insufferable, the words they use like “awake” as if they have a monopoly on enlightenment, the religious fanaticism, the messiah complex. They are hyper-sensitive because they are on the edge of sanity almost manic, panic talking a million miles per minute and then plunging into hopeless despair. And up and down again.
Within this hyper-sensitivity, this feelings-based, self-centred understanding of the world is something that needs to be heard and acknowledged. The intimate understanding of abuse dynamics and how they play out in real-time. Not all trauma victims are anti-vaxxers but all anti-vaxxers are victims of trauma. Specifically, trauma that occurred as a result of trusting authority. What is needed is psychological support and if there is still time (I hope there is still time), a respectful dialogue about whether their concerns have any basis in reality.
A meeting in the middle. I haven’t seen it yet.
Christine Marie, Newmarket
